stop messing up my life
nkm's this sunday..not taking part..had been giving lots of excuses..first it was cos i wasnt trng..but i dun mind paddling with a jnr in t2..but when i came back frm kl,i was down with bad sorethroat and breathlessness..and i opt to pull out..and now that its approaching,soon i find myself standing on shore watching my teammates race..now trng's in kallang..and i can go down tml..but boats will be equipped with footpumps and all ready for sat trng and sun race..but dun think i shld use them..wat if i damage any of them..how can i repair..duno whether to go down tml anot..wanted to train todae..as in land trng..but i felt lonely..so i came home and did lab report and err maybe tutorials..maybe i shall swim tml bahs..if i can wake up..
its been 2 weeks of sch..lab started on monday..din had breakfast and went straight for lab..and it ended at 5..so practically din have anything..not even drink throughout..was having quite bad headache..reallie painful..boohooss..so ate before going for trng..which i din do warm up run cos i just ate..sighs..and there wasnt anyone there..as in a few of us..and a big bunch of other cca..and i din noe wat happened and they left..so left us..a few of us..kinda empty..but alright lar..better than many of us yet feel left out..and gym these 2 weeks had been painful..blame myself for not trng consistently..
only todae did i realise that there are more impt things..and i carn possibly demand to be put on number one..but i dun want to be the one making the effort all the time..and in ur heart, theres not enough space for so many things..i wanted to tell u find me only after u give up..but i noe its impossible..between me and them,they are more impt to u..to ask u to make such a decision will be harm to me..to say such things will be asking for trouble..todae i was telling jel..why is it that after everytime u raise ur voice at me,i just forgive u after a simple 'sorry'..is there something wrong with my self-worthy?how do i value myself..why do i allow myself to get 'bullied' time again and again..it happened all the time..not only u..but i just wun learn my lesson..
its been 2 weeks of sch..lab started on monday..din had breakfast and went straight for lab..and it ended at 5..so practically din have anything..not even drink throughout..was having quite bad headache..reallie painful..boohooss..so ate before going for trng..which i din do warm up run cos i just ate..sighs..and there wasnt anyone there..as in a few of us..and a big bunch of other cca..and i din noe wat happened and they left..so left us..a few of us..kinda empty..but alright lar..better than many of us yet feel left out..and gym these 2 weeks had been painful..blame myself for not trng consistently..
only todae did i realise that there are more impt things..and i carn possibly demand to be put on number one..but i dun want to be the one making the effort all the time..and in ur heart, theres not enough space for so many things..i wanted to tell u find me only after u give up..but i noe its impossible..between me and them,they are more impt to u..to ask u to make such a decision will be harm to me..to say such things will be asking for trouble..todae i was telling jel..why is it that after everytime u raise ur voice at me,i just forgive u after a simple 'sorry'..is there something wrong with my self-worthy?how do i value myself..why do i allow myself to get 'bullied' time again and again..it happened all the time..not only u..but i just wun learn my lesson..
posted by Peiying at 1:26 AM
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