i wonder whyyyyyyy

next thurs is holiday..wanted to spend it with you..and not study or alike..just spend with you..cos now its neither quality nor quantity..theres no quantity to tok abt..BUTTTTTTTTT ive got 2 tests on fri and presentation on that day too..looks like carn do anything except study..cos u want me to..but its reallie a looooooooooooooooooooooooong time since we last spend quality time together :'(

been waking up with headaches..been neglecting canoeing and water trng..been slacking and sleeping..been studying hard for tests..been doing lab reports..been feeling tired everyday..sighsssssssssss what is wrong?!?

maybe cos its like 21yrs old liao..reflecting on what have i done these 2 decades..or maybe half of my life..thinking back..what have i accomplished?friends?family? what have i done for them??

have i been selfish all these while??thinking abt myself..its just me and myself..how others treating me..how i see others..have i tot abt others too?all along just do things according to wat i want them to be..and being upset when things dun go my way..is this the way that things are supposed to be?

have i been lying to myself all the while?differences in thinking..differences in tots..

why is everyone asking me to go back to paddle?

last time i dun have to think abt anything..just study and paddle..no money matters..no nitty gritty things to think abt..just do wat i want..but the past few years have been different..things start to change..kinda suddenly..now have to worry abt financial..and everything is on my own..decisions have to be made by myself..and i find myself suddenly have to work and give tuition..if things din change..i wun have to..and i dun have to worry abt not enough money now..and bills that are unpaid..and months down the road whether i will have money..short trips i can still afford..but sometimes reallie have to plan ahead and think abt it..sighs

and having bf doesnt mean can expect him to pay for me..i have to be independent..afterall its his money and im not after his money..and i reiterate my point..i dun get a bf just cos theres someone to pay for my things..

钱不是万能..但没钱就万万不能..how true..

ok lets go and bathe and study ok..lets not think too much!FOCUS!!!